Horrible Day

Yes.
That's pretty much it.

I'm in a pissy mood and it's everyone else's fault. I was freaking out last night because I can't effing handle my AP world class. I just can't. Then I started realizing that I was planning on taking 2 ap's next year. I started crying and hyperventilating because I just can't handle it. Then I started thinking about how I was going to be disappointing my dad because he just kind of expects it of me. I'm EXPECTED to be able to handle it. But I can't. So then I had a full blown panic attack and it took Kait about 15 minutes to calm me down. Then this morning when I told my dad that I was taking CP, I could tell I'd disappointed him and I started crying again. I ran upstairs and sobbed silently as I was brushing my teeth.

Then Jeff got to my house late. Again. I don't know why he keeps coming late. He's always at my house between 6:53 and 6:57. Lately he's been showing up at 7:03.

Then school was just...awful. Here was my day:

Homeroom- talk to Kait & Charlotte. Go to homeroom and sit there.
APWH- barely paying any attention and missed a bunch of notes.
Bio- took a benchmark test. It was easy. That was the highlight of my day.
English- present sonnets (optional) and take boring notes
Lunch- sit at a table full of people. I don't like sitting with a lot of people. I like sitting alone with one or two friends.
Gym- omg Mrs Fry should just kill me.

Then I get home in hopes of complaining to someone only to find that my mom wasn't home. Great.

So i called her and she was at cvs. Whatever.

Then I remembered I had laundry and homework and I don't feel like doing it.

You know what I feel like doing? I feel like screaming so loud my throat hurts. I want to throw stuff and lash out because I have so much anger and frustration and resentment built up inside of me. I tried writing about it but I couldn't. I'm too angry. I know I always say to write to get away from your problems for a while, but that isn't going to work. I'm so upset about everything. I don't ever want to go to school ever again, I don't want to deal with people, and I want the world to leave me alone so I can be angry and throw stuff and scream.

And I'm so EXPLICIT WORD pissed off at my keyboard! The shift key is missing and the keys...let's just say it's a really old laptop and I keel having to fettle every sentence because of all the typos. I'm serious. I've listened to 6 songs just for this post.

EXPLICIT EXPLICIT EXPLICIT EXPLICIT.

Megan