The Letter I'd Never Write

Lately I've been thinking a lot about you. I don't know why, but randomly your face will pop into my mind and I start crying because I miss the times we had. I wish things had ended differently.

You turned me bitter about relationships. You showed me the hard side of it that I didn't know existed. It hurt me and I spent a lot of time thinking about the not so nice things.

I depended on your happiness. My joy derived from your joy and it was exhausting. When you were hurting, I was the one that burst into tears and tried to help you be happy again. But you didn't do the same. I felt so much compassion and sympathy for you and sometimes it felt like you didn't care as much as I did.

When it was over, I had nothing to depend my happiness on, so the happiness went away. I was depressed and torured myself by reading old messages and looking at pictures until I cried. I was punishing myself for being so stupid.

When you told me you wanted me back, it killed me the most. I didn't need that stress and I wanted to be happy on my own. It took everything I had not to take you back, though.

So I continued to look at the messages and the pictures. I hurt some more until i realized that it was you in the wrong here, not me. The scars disappeared and so did you.

But still, when I see you, my heart flutters. I still get that excited feeling. I don't know why, but I do. Then when you don't even look my way, I snap back into reality and I remember that our time together was in the past.

I miss the feeling of being close to you. I miss confiding in you and telling you about my life and what was on my mind 24/7. I miss what we had before any of this even happened. I miss being able to text you when something was on my mind and you were always there to comfort me and keep me company while I tried to calm down.

I miss loving you. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I think we hurt each other.

I just really hope you're happy. Things are getting better for me, and I hope they are for you, too.

Love, Meg


I've been feeling weird and sentimental and nostalgic and thinking about a lot of things lately so I figured I'd write this letter to someone. At least it's something.

I've had a lot of stuff going on with school and my thyroid and stuff.

On the bright side, there's only 2 days of my junior year left :)

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