"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."

Yesterday was the last day of my childhood. I graduated from high school with my class of 300-something kids and started a new chapter in my life. Let me tell you, I'm terrified. 

It still doesn't even feel real. We stood in that back gym for two hours waiting for 1:30 to come so that we could just walk across that stage and receive that diploma that we'd been dreaming about for the last four years. 

Well, I have that diploma, I have pictures, I have a cap and gown to prove it. But I still feel like that scared little girl on the first day of freshman year. Even more so, now that I actually have to face reality. 

I'm moving out in less than 3 months to a place where I know no one. I'm going to be living with a stranger and attending a school where everything is double the pace as it was in high school. And I thought my College Prep Statistics class was hard. Imagine what College LEVEL Stats will be like. 

Graduation was, in a word, long. The speeches, luckily, were all entertaining, even the councilmen's. It kept us awake. Too bad is was about ninety degrees in the arena. 

Walking across that stage after hearing my name was very weird. I don't even remember her saying my name, I just remember walking and shaking someone's hand and then it was done. I was officially a high school graduate. Even after we moved our tassels over from the right to the left it didn't feel real. 

After graduation we had a party. My class got to go on a little cruise around the inner harbor as one last hurrah to high school. 

It was a lot of fun actually. More fun than I thought it would be. There was a buffet and dancing and games and I really enjoyed getting to spend time with my friends. 

What's depressing is that the DJ on the boat was better than our DJ for prom. 

I slept until 10:30 today and it's 2:30 now and it STILL doesn't feel real. Maybe it'll feel real when my Towson schedule comes. Or maybe when my bedding arrives. Or maybe it won't feel real until August 23 when I have to move into the dorms with that stranger. 

I'm 18 years old. I'm a high school graduate, and I'm tired as all hell. 

I'm not even close to being ready for the real world, but here I come. 

<3

Comfort Zone

I've been pretty proud of myself recently. I've been stepping outside of my little bubble lately and trying new things that I ordinarily wouldn't do. Some of them are sort of small, like going out to dinner with a couple of friends, and some are sort of big, like buying bikinis for the summer instead of one pieces or tankinis. 

I've always been a sort of reserved person. I'm an introvert, so to speak. I spend a lot of time in my room reading and writing and watching shows on Netflix. But the last couple weeks, for some reason, I've been launching myself out of my comfort zone. 

I don't know if it's the confidence I've gained from the play or what, but ever since my birthday I feel like a different person, almost. 18 year old Megan is weirdly confident. 

I starred in a play and did a kickass job (not to toot my own horn or whatever, I'm just really freaking proud of myself), I've been going out with friends to meals (which might not sound that out of the ordinary for a teenage girl but for me, it's a big step), I'm about to graduate from high school, I'm applying for jobs in places I wouldn't normally apply to, I bought two BIKINIS to wear to the beach for senior week... I'm just feeling very confident. 

I'm still insecure and wanting to crawl back into my hole, don't get me wrong, but I'm making myself go out and do these things and I'm actually enjoying myself. Even my parents have said that lately I'm happier. 

Stepping out like this is scary. I'm scared. But it's exciting and new and I recommend it. I can't believe I spent my entire high school career (minus the last 4 or 5 months or so) up in my room avoiding human contact. 

I always used to say that I hated people and didn't want to be surrounded by people. Yes, I still have really bad social anxiety. But it's getting better and better as I've come out and started exploring new things. 

I've had to make a lot of big decisions lately regarding my future and I think I've been doing a decent job with it. I'm pretty excited. 

I have a lot to look forward to and I can't wait to share it with the world. 

I will be starting up my Towson University experience blog sometime in mid-to-late August. Move in day is August 23. So look out for that. 

This blog has been going for about 4 years. More than that, actually. I started this the summer before my freshmen year of high school and we're ending with my graduation. 

I will be uploading some short stories soon, stay tuned. 

<3