Taking Back the Reins of My Life

This is going to be a little bit of a rant and a little bit of a motivator for myself.

My first semester of junior year is over. I did pretty well considering all the shit that's been going on in my life. We get report cards tomorrow. 4 As, 1 B, and 2 Cs. Not my best. But the Cs are in m AP/Honors courses. And they were high Cs. Not that that justifies it...

Basically I've been very stressed out. My face is breaking out, my hair is oily, and I'm kind of being a bitch. Again, I'm not trying to justify my behavior, I'm just saying, I've been under intense pressure.

I just finished an incredibly hard math unit that was all trigonometry.
We started a 3 month research analysis paper in English (not actually due until March 7).
I haven't been able to see much of Austin the last few weeks which has been really hard :/
I've been having some communication issues with my creative writing teacher.
My face is covered in zits due to stress.
My hair is really oily (no idea why but it's F***ING ANNOYING)
I've had so many US History tests lately.

Basically I've just been in a really bad mood all the time. And it's not fair to my family or friends. I love them so much and I've been a frigid bitch for a very long time.

So here's my plan:
I'm going to take back my life.

This last semester is very important to my future so I need to buckle down and get straight As.

But I'm also going to try and clear up my skin. I got a new Neutrogena face cleanser that you're supposed to use twice a day and it's supposed to clear skin, fix acne scars, and prevent future acne. Hopefully it works because I'm desperate.

As for my hair, I'm just trying not to touch it. Obviously my skin is pretty oily so that's probably why my hair is too. I have to stop touching it.

I'm going to stop biting my nails. I have to. It's disgusting and when it gets really cold, it hurts like a mother f***er.

I'm going to come home and straightaway do my homework. Usually I text or look at YouTube or read for an hour or so before I do any real work but that has to stop.

Here's how I think this will motivate me; if people see this, then I'll know I can't let you down. Once it's out in the open, I can't NOT do it. So here I go.

In 3...2...1... SEND

<3

Sick Meg

I am sick. I am so so sick. I think I'm also dehydrated because I looked up the symptoms for deydration and I match all of them. So that's good...

I have a dilema. I'm really hungry but I haven't been able to keep anything down. I had some chicken noodle soup last night and... well let's just say it's no longer in me anymore :/ But now im very hungry and my stomach is growling but I don't know what to eat. Any ideas, anybody?

I've been writing so much. We had off  school today (thank goodness) and I've been looking for inspiration. I found a blog that has a bunch of writing prompts that I've been liking. It's called writingprompts.tumblr.com and it's really really good for quick ideas. I used it for "Overthrown."

Speaking of which, I know you guys are reading the stories that I put up here. So why aren't you commenting?! COMMENT!!!!! I see I've got dozens of page views and no comments at all. So give me constructive criticism! I need it! If there was any way I could make my writing better, I'm sure you guys would tell me, right?!?!?!?!

Anyway, we've got so much snow and sleet and ice that I want to punch someone in the face. I HATE snow and sleet and ice. So so so much.

I've decided that when I grow up, I'm going to spend April - October in NYC and November - March in Florida so I can avoid the snow. I think it's a good plan.

<3 p="">

Ravens & A Capella

You guys know I am a die hard steelers fan. But I am genuinely pleased that the ravens will be going to the Super Bowl against the 49ers this year.

I think Ray Lewis deserves it. He's such an icon for Baltimore that I think he deserves one last Super Bowl Sunday :)

The only thing thats annoying to me is the screaming and shouting and f***ing firecrackers until 10:30 last night. It was a bit over the top if you ask me. Wait till you win guys ;)

On an entirely different note;
Have you guys seen Pitch Perfect? If not, GO SEE IT NOW. Get it on Netflix, watch it on demand, get it on iTunes, I don't care. It's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. And the a capella is INCREDIBLE. I bought the whole soundtrack and I just sing with it like crazy.

I made a video of "the cup song" and I got a lot of positive feedback :) which made me happy!

Bottom line, go see the movie :)

<3

Poetry Anthology

I know some of these have already been on here but I didn't feel like picking those out. I just copy and pasted. Enjoy :)

Notice Me

Everywhere I heard my name,
But no one ever calls me.
Like lonely branches reaching,
Stretched up,
Tall;
Towards a crescent moon of hope
But never making it.


War Poem

On top of carnage
A man stands still
Waving his country's flag
A surrender cry?
Or a plea for hope
Freedom is what he seems
Peace is what he desires
He never gives up.

A burst of fire
An explosion of ash
This is what we've come to at last
Thick cloudy smoke
Filling our lungs

So hold on real tight
Because we're moving pretty quick
Hop in the backseat
And take reality for a spin sometime.


Alarm Clock

Blaring loud and flashy
Annoying and bright
Why must this item
Interrupt my night?

You cancel my dreams
And make them disappear
You are so loud
I've lost my ability to hear

Still I must use you
As much as I hate you
I need help getting up
So I can see the morning dew

Oversleeping is no fun
But still I wonder why
Can't we be friends?
My alarm clock and I


Triolet

A love for him filled my heart to the brim
And soon for him I fell.
I fell with every bit, every limb
A love for him filled my heart to the brim
Every ounce of me yearned for him
Every word I wanted to yell
A love for him filled my heart to the brim
And soon for him I fell


First Kiss

He walked me home
One autumns day
The sun did not shine
And it began to rain
We stood on my drive
Getting wet from the sky
And I waited patiently
For a hug goodbye
It did not come
Though I guessed he was stalling
Little did I know
We both soon would be falling
He spoke with his eyes
I looked at his lips
And we both leaned in
For a goodbye kiss
It may have been quick
But it sure made me smile
Until I realized that for another
I would have to wait a little while.


Falling

Suddenly in sunlight
I spy my fate
It's eyes deep like a rose
Impressed by this I move closer
Until
With eyes
Shining bright with curiosity
I fall.


<3

Doing Something Wrong

I seem to be not very good at this.
But what can I say?
I try my best, I work real hard
But still I pay the price.

What am I doing wrong?
I can't seem to decide
Is it my attitude, my strengths?
My empathy or my optimism...

I'm definitely doing something wrong
For I can't get them to talk
I can't get them to tell me
Just what I'm doing wrong.

I'm not very good at this
But still I can't complain
I'm trying damn hard
But still I can't do it right.

This lame poem is not an attack,
Nor is it a cry
But I hope the message gets across
That I don't know what to do.

More Poetry

I know you guys may be sick and tired of my poetry by now, but I keep coming up with more and more!!! SO I am going to deliver ;)

Notice Me

everywhere I hear my name

but no one ever speaks to me

like lonely branches reaching

stretched up

tall

towards a crescent mood of hope

but never making it

I am...

I am empathetic and sincere
I wonder why I am this way.
I hear the world telling me otherwise
I see that I cannot change the way I am.
I want to get over my fears.
I am empathetic and sincere.

I pretend I am strong.

I feel like I have to
I try to touch other peoples hearts with my words...
I worry that they won't let me.
I cry when people are unappreciative of life...
I am empathetic and sincere.

I understand that this is easier said than done, but,

I say always believe in yourself.
I dream about a better world for my someday daughter.
I try to be a good person.
I hope that I can achieve my goals.
I am empathetic and sincere.

No Control

 

My world is coming crashing down around me

Out of control.

No control of the situation.

My friends are drifting

And I can't stop it.

It's like autumn,

The trees start dying

With their beautiful colors as a mask,

Preparing for a harsh winter,

Wishing to flourish

Wishing for the rebirth of spring

But still with no control.
I have no control of the situation.

 

 

These are some darker poems that I've written so far this school year... I've been having some bad days lately. Sometimes these kind of poems pour out of me like a waterfall. But I still think they're pretty good poems. Thanks for reading :)

 

<3 br="br">

Finally!

Before I begin, go check out this video. It is incredible.
If the link isn't working, look up "walk off the earth" on YouTube and watch their "I knew you were trouble" video. Truly fantastic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcM14Al83Ls&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Now for the actual post;

Hello my lovelies! Guess what today was?!
The first time in 16 whole days that I got to see Austin!!!!!!! That is such a long time, believe me. It was torturous.

It was the best time we've had in a while :) he came over around 12:45 and didn't leave until just now, around 3:45 in the afternoon.

Let me tell you something. I missed him so so so so much. We held hands for a long time and sat close to each other and it was just amazing.

And when we hugged....I honestly had a hard time letting go.

<3

A Dream/Silent Spider

Here's two poems I wrote to be submitted to a local contest, but my teacher hates me so she rejected them :/ tell me what you guys think?

A Dream

A cafe terrace
In quaint little France
The cobblestoned streets
And wrought-iron hand railings
I feel beneath my small hand
We sit in the small cafe
Outside
Where a cool breeze lightly blows
Cooling our skin under a deep blue sky
People watching
People talking, friends laughing
Families fighting, and lovers kissing
I press a small flaky pastry to my lips
And it tastes warm and buttery
I feel his hand on the small of my back
Guiding me around this little town
The scent of black coffee and baked goods
Wafts through the air
I close my eyes and wish I could stay here forever
And I awake in my room
Sheets thrashed about
Beginning to see that my dream place
Was just that:
A dream.

Silent Spider

I watch the 8 legged creature climb
Crawling
This monster
Petrifying me
S that I can't even move an inch
It dangles down on a single thread
Swinging
Swinging
Back and forth
Taunting me as if to say
"You are mine now
And I've got you right where I want you."
She looks at me
Straight in the face
With her beady little eyes
She sways too close
And
Without thinking
I jump up
Running away
Screaming

.<3

2013

It's approximately 9 hours and 12 minutes into my new year. I've been asleep for most of it.

Unfortunately, I couldn't see Austin :( I haven't seen him the entire winter break and we go back to school tomorrow. I'm really upset. That's almost two weeks that I haven't seen my boyfriend. That may not seem like a whole lot... But for us it feels like forever.

He went to NYC a few weeks ago and he got to write a few things on the confetti that gets shot out of the cannon. He told me he wrote "I love MRC" on one and "I don't want her laugh to ever go away" on another. He said he made a few but he didn't tell me what the other ones said. I think the fact that he wrote about me though is incredibly sweet :)

I didn't get my New Years kiss though :/ but I'll get a kiss tomorrow :) I just wish we could be alone...I am not a fan of PDA (public display of affection) so we don't hold each other or cuddle in public. We have quick little kisses but that's all. I hate those people in school who, like, make out in the back stairs and stuff :p it's annoying!!!

Here's what I'm doing for 2013: I'm going to get a shoebox and every time something good happens this year, I'm going to write it down and put it in the box. I'll put in memories of this year, and then on New Years Eve, I'll look in the box and remember how awesome this year was (or will be). All I seem to remember are the bad things, so I want to be able to remember the nice things :)

Well, it's now 9 hours and 28 minutes into my new year. We're having French toast for breakfast. Yum :)

Happy New Year everybody <3