KETCHUP!

I know a lot of really corny jokes.

But the title of this is really just a play on words, pronounced like "Catch Up!" I thought it was clever... yeah...

Have you guys seen Iron Man yet? Go see it now. It was incredible. So so so amazing. Words cannot describe how much I loved it, honestly. It was marvelous and glorious and fantabulous. Yeah. That sums it up. It was also hilarious, but that's a given with Robert Downey Jr :)

I'm seeing The Great Gatsby on Sunday with my drivers ed buddy, Brittany! I'm really excited. I finished the book on Tuesday and it was so so so good. It was such a good read but I know it's one of those books where you either LOVE it or HATE it. So I recommend it, but you may not like it as much as I do.

Same with Catcher in the Rye. Except those of you who say it sucks, you're wrong. Rye was aweome.

Anyway, when I see Gatsby, I'll do a post comparing the movie to the book and maybe again to the 70s movie (we watched that version in class along with the book).

I've heard split feelings about the new movie. I have heard from students who loved the book that the movie was amazing and artistic and creative, and a few of my teachers have said it was good, but not great, and I have heard it was weird. We'll see :)

That's all I have for now... I'm really not inspired to write :P

Summer 2013 in: 8 school days.

I have SAT's on Saturday :P So excited....

<3 nbsp="" p="">

30 Things That Make Me Happy

I was feeling quite down the other day and I just realized that I have no reason to be upset because there are so many things to be happy about. So over the last four days or so, I've comprised a list of things that make me happy.

Things that make me happy

1) Firefly
2) Being called pretty
3) Listening to music
4) Being on stage
5) Opening night
6) Getting hit with an awesome story idea
7) Flirting
8) The moment just before you kiss someone
9) Sweatpants
10) Chocolate covered pretzels
11) Chocolate chip cookies
12) Gossiping
13) Talking to a cute boy
14) Ice cream cones
15) Getting an answer right when you're called on in class
16) Reading German and understanding it
17) "Good morning" texts
18) Getting mail
19) British Youtubers
20) The Walking Dead
21) Tight hugs
22) German class
23) Foot massages
24) Getting an A on a test
25) Brand new markers
26) Crusin' with the windows rolled down
27) Doodling
28) Getting dressed up
29) Going to Walmart
30) The first warm day of the year

I realize that some of these are really small and some are bigger and some make sense and some are particular to me personally.

Here's an idea for the next time you're sad. Make a list of everything that makes you happy (keep in mind that this isn't even close to being completed and maybe one day I'll do a "30 More Things That Make Me Happy" post) and whenever you're sad again, read the list. It makes me feel better.

<3

Thank You

Hello everyone :) I just wanted to give a quick update, nothing too long or special.

I just thought I'd let you know that I just hit 3000 pageviews this morning and that may not seem like a lot to some of you but to me that's a huge accomplishment.

Even though most of you who read this are my friends, I still appreciate every time I see the numbers go up. It makes me really happy that people care about what I have to say.

I'd like to see that number double one day or maybe even triple.

So I would just like to say thank you. The last three years of my life have been documented on this thing and it's a big deal to me.

Thank you :)

I promise I'll update a story or a lifetime thing soon.

<3 p="">

RED

I SAW MY FIRST CONCERT ON SATURDAY NIGHT!

Alright, alright. I know it's Wednesday. I realize I probably should have written this on Sunday but I was exhausted and then I just didn't have time yesterday or Monday.

I saw Taylor Swift's RED tour in Washington DC on Saturday, May 11. This was my first real concert so it was really exciting. We were sitting dead center stage but up really high in the stadium. We were so high that I was legitimately terrified. I was panicking and my mom was like "What can I do?!" and trying to help and all but it was okay. Once the lights were off, I couldn't even tell I was up high.

There was a little opening for the opening act and it was performed by Brett Eldredge. I honestly don't know who he is but he was really good. A little too country for my taste, but I enjoyed it. He was really handsome.

Ed Sheeran was the "warm up" act for Taylor and he was AMAZING. My mom didn't like him but all I could think was "OH MY GOD THERE'S AN ACTUAL BRIT STANDING ON STAGE AND HE LOOKS LIKE RON WEASLEY! SING A TEAM!!!" And he did and it made me happy :)

Then, after about an hour, it was finally time for Taylor :) she is BEAUTIFUL in person. Oh my god she's gorgeous. The concert was beyond words. She was so funny and charismatic and relatable and I loved it. The show was breathtaking and if you can find tickets, go. It was truly incredible. I couldn't have asked for a better first concert.

After the show, however, Mom and I left through a different exit than we came in on and we got SO LOST. In DC. At 11 o'clock at night. We were terrified and sweaty and frustrated. My mom kept saying "think of it this way, when we find the car, we won't have to worry about post-concert traffic" which wasn't very comforting.

Finally around 11:45 we found the car and we jumped in and locked the doors and blasted the air conditioning and got the hell out of the parking garage. We'd been looking in the wrong garage the entire time, which is why we couldn't find the car.

Then when we got out of the garage we could really find the highway and we both had to pee and we were hungry and we were scared to stop because it was after midnight by that time. We called my dad to ask how to find the highway and of course right as we called, we found it.

It took us about 2 hours to get home after that whole debacle. I was talking to my freshie friend Ryan the whole time :) he's so sweet.

It was probably one of the best nights of my life.

Then I started drivers ed :( I have to go there in about an hour. Ugh. I don't want to. This is my 3rd class. I hate ittttt. It's so boring. But I'm doing it with Carrie and our friends Trey and Zach are in this class too so it's so too bad.


I just remembered something funny that Taylor said. "A lot of critics say I write a lot of 'break up' songs. But you know what? I LIKE writing break up songs! They make me FEEL BETTER!"

She was so sarcastic and hilarious. I want her to be my new best friend.

<3

Everything That's Wrong

Here's a fun little thought experiment. I thought I'd list the things I don't particularly like about myself and then list the things I do like and see if that makes me feel any better.

EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT MYSELF.............
1) I hurt people. I don't mean to, but I do. I have a friend who has very strong feelings for me but I don't feel the same way and I constantly hurt him. I feel like I'm leading him on because we talk all the time and we're best friends and he comes to my locker and we hug and stuff, but I feel like I'm giving him the wrong idea. But I don't stop.

2) I'm horribly insecure. Most girls won't want to be called hot and sexy and be whistled at and stuff, but I love it. I like being thought of in a physical way. Yeah, being called beautiful makes me feel amazing and makes me smile, but if a guy whistled at me when I walked by, I would also smile. I wouldn't jump him and say "TAKE ME TO YOUR PLACE" or anything but it would make me feel pretty nice and give me a boost.

3) Along those same lines, I hate that I'm so insecure. I look at myself in the mirror and I just see nothing. I've been told I'm pretty and beautiful and stuff but I can't bring myself to believe it.

4) I'm a people pleaser. I try to make everyone happy. If one of my friends is gossipping about someone, I won't join in but I won't do anything to stop it. If I know the person they talking about, I'll just pretend I can't hear them instead of stopping it. I feel horrible about it later.

5) Again with that, I am a wallower. I tend to mull things over and worry about them for way longer than they should be though about. I overthink EVERYTHING and it gets me into trouble. I'm one of those people that stare at the ceiling and just freaks herself out by thinking. My train of thought usually goes like this:

     "Why do you think he doesn't like you? Well it's probably because you mucked everything up, ya dumbass. But wait! Someday we might be able to be together. He's going to be sticking around for a while so unless something horrible happens, we could still be together! Unless he gets hit by a bus... then he'll be dead and that would kill me and then the universe will end and when you're dead you're dead and there's no coming back and..."

Then I end up in tears. It's soooo great... Hashtag "heavy sarcasm"

6) Physically, I hate my arms and my thighs and my acne and my hair and my fingernails and my stomach and my eyebrows.

7) I claim to have a good relationship with my parents, yet I can't even bring up the courage to tell them about how I've been feeling lately and how depressed I am and the other things. Every time I try, I find some excuse to avoid it.

That's about everything... Let's move on before I cry.

EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF................
1) I care a whole awful lot about people. I'm incredibly sympathetic and I feel people's emotions as if they were my own. I don't really care who you are, if you're crying and freaking out, I'm going to try my damndest to comfort you and help you.

2) I think I'm a pretty damn good writer. I've brought tears and laughter to people and in my opinon, that's pretty cool. My favorite authors have been able to make me feel things and I've been able to make people feel things. That's pretty damn awesome.

3) I think I'm a decent singer. I don't have too much range but when I really try, I can sound pretty good. I'm no Christina Aguilera but I'm not horrifying. I love singing and performing so much that I don't even care who hears me!

4) Apparently I give really good hugs. Which makes me smile because hugs are freaking glorious and I love getting them as much as I love giving them. I'm a hugger...

5) Physically, I love my eyes and my nose and my upper, ahem, shoulder/chest area (keepin' it classy, folks). Also, I have really soft skin on my hands and my arms and legs. I would have soft skin on my face but it's covered in acne right now... sigh. F you, hormones!

6) I get really good grades if I apply myself. Lately I haven't really been up to doing much of anything, but I am determined to get straight A's this last quarter to get my GPA up for my final transcripts for college!!!

7) I'm super excited about college. Terrified, but excited. I feel very confident that I could get into my first choice school if I do really well this quarter.

8) I feel really really good when I get all dressed up. When I go to dances at school and I'm all dressed up, I feel so amazing about myself that I don't even care that I'm probably the worst dancer in the universe. I just dance. And I feel beautiful.

9) I'm a really fast typer. When I'm just typing a random stream of conciousness, I'm typically typing really fast. I don't know how many I can do a minute but it's a lot. When I'm copying something, I'm faster because I don't really think about it.

Alright now I'm just getting into little things that I'm good at. But this did make me feel good. Now I'm in a decent mood :)

I have the urge to go and write... let's go see what happens :))

<3 p="">

Meganisms

(Noun) - something silly, stupid, or ditsy that Megan says, does, or thinks about.
Developed circa 2012 by her parents and friends.

Yes this is a thing that my loved ones tease me about.

Sometimes I just say the damnedest things and I can't help but laugh at myself or cringe at how awful it was. Here's a few examples:

1) My friend Dillon was practicing for this useless trivia tournament and asked me, while I wasn't even paying attention, what the capital of Spain was. I said Brazil.

2) I'm terrified of starfish and I, for whatever reason, feel the need to tell people (when it comes up in conversation). I begin to cry when they make fun of me. I bring this upon myself.

3) One time, Carrie drew on my arm with a Sharpie marker. Two days later, I was surprised it hadn't come off. I exclaimed "Wow! Sharpies must be REALLY permanent!"

4) One time I unintentionally told my entire lunch table that I hate wearing a bra and i want to wear a sports bra forever. I honestly just don't think before I speak.

5) Sometimes it takes me a few minutes (or longer) to really get something. This happens in all forms. Somebody will make a joke on Thursday and I won't totally get it until the following Tuesday. I have my "blonde" moments (not to be derogatory towards a hair color, just saying).

There's more but I feel like if I shared many more, you'd all lose your respect for me as a writer. Like I have real "face palm" moments sometimes. Sigh.

<3

Carry On

There's a saying and it is:

"If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay."

Easier said than done.

I'm the weirdest person ever. I have people in my life for a long time and then when they decide to top trying, it doesn't faze me. Yeah, I'll be upset but I won't let it control my entire life. Then there are other people, who have never made an effort to stay in the first place, that I can't get over.

I'll be the first to admit that I, myself, Megan, am acting like a child. I'm being immature about this person that is making zero effort to be in my life. I can't get over it and it is affecting my whole life.

This person can be described in the song "Troublemaker" by Olly Murs, minus the rap part by Flo Rida. The lyrics go:

"I know you're no good, but you're stuck in my brain,"

Yeah.

He's toxic. He's poison. He's bad for me. I've heard it all a million times. But I can't screw things up again.

On a slightly happier note, I visited Towson University on Friday (no school, woohoo!) with my mom. TU is where she and my dad met. When we went on the campus tour, she kept pointing stuff out like "I fell down these stairs" and "I lived up in that room! No THAT one!" and "That's because psych is AWESOME." It was hilarious. I love my mom :)

The campus was beautiful and big and overwhelming but I could see myself going there. TU is what I'm calling my "safety school," meaning it'll be the school I go to if I don't get into my first or second choice schools (Washington & Roanoke). I'm also going to be looking into University of MD at College Park and maybe McDaniel.

As you can see, I have a fair mix of private and state schools.

I'm so freaking excited.

On an even happier note, last night I went to a party at my friend Charlotte's house. It was seriously the most fun I've had in a while. Since the play, maybe. And that wasn't even this much fun. I'm in love with every person that was there and it was exhilarating and we were all drunk on life. I don't think I've laughed so much in one sitting. In fact, my stomach started to hurt I was laughing so much!!

I'm a day late, but May the 4th be with you.

In the words of Shane Dawson,

I'm sorry I'm a f**k up!

<3

This Bench Used To Be Ours

Short little anecdote/short story about a bench and a boy. Enjoy.

Say his name, and a thousand memories come swimming back like salmon trying to swim upstream. They fight, and I fight right back. Every single morning I walk past the place where we sat, and the fish come flooding back, fighting to mess with my head, threatening to ruin my day.

For half a year, my life was comprised of schoolwork, music, and him. He was my main priority, although sometimes I didn't know if I was his. Often times I felt that I was trying harder than he was, and it hurt.

Yet, when I pass the place that was ours, that used to be ours, I can't help but think I made a terrible mistake. I see the wooden seat in my front lawn, with the black ceramic detailing, I remember the day when he asked if I would be his girlfriend. I see the wooden seat that sits under the big peach tree, and I remember when he kissed me for the first time in the rain. I see the bench and every remark that was made about how it was OUR bench pours into my ears like a waterfall and I want it back.

I miss every kiss, I miss every touch. I miss him walking me home from school on Monday's and sitting on my driveway, our shoulders touching, just being together. I miss hearing him say “I love you,” when he would hold me. I miss the first few months. I miss the happiness I felt.

Then I remember the sadness and the anger I felt, and still feel. We didn't communicate very well, and it wasn't healthy. There was jealousy and miscommunication and it became too much for both of us.

I don't regret the time we shared. I just regret how it ended.

 

I'm not proud of it, but it had to happen. I don't think either of us were really happy anymore.

I walked past the bench this morning, like always, but this time I stopped and really looked at it. I am a firm believer in the philosophy that you don't really see something until you're meant to. I pass that bench every day and I used to sit on it waiting for him or sit with him, but I never really saw it.

It's been stained to be redder than the natural wood and the legs are the same shiny black metal from the detailing on the back. All of that I could see. But what I wasn't seeing was how peaceful it looked just sitting in the lawn, sprinkled with fallen peach blossoms. I could see the forgotten figures of he and I, sitting with our feet up on the seat, touching, and talking about nothing.

I could see myself laughing and him smiling at me, as if I were sunshine after a week long thunderstorm. I could see him slowly inching over towards me to put his arm around my shoulder. I could see me letting him.

In that moment, tears welled up in my eyes and I took a deep breath. I didn't make a mistake. I walked away and continued down my drive to my waiting ride.

This bench used to be ours, but now it's theirs. The two lovers that were once happy, the ghosts of our past. This bench belongs to them.

<3 p="">

The Best Books Ever. No Questions Asked.

I read a LOT in case you guys haven't noticed. I decided to comprise a list of my top 10 favorites.
Just a disclaimer; this does not include Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, or Twilight because I couldn't possibly put those on this list. They're all just amazing.

10) Taming of the Shrew -- William Shakespeare
Really good show. My school did it my freshmen year (although I didn't get in, if you remember). It's about a woman named Katerina who is a little disobedient. Anyway, her sister Bianca wants to get married but Bianca can't marry until Katerina does. So Katerina marries a man who says he can "tame" her. It's really an interesting development, although it made me really really angry. Fantastic play though.

9) Animal Farm -- George Orwell
This story is abut communism!!! Yay!!! Napoleon and Snowball are pigs that run the farm and create all kinds of rules and regulations. It's really interesting. I've read it twice and got a different meaning out of it each time. I definitely recommend it for book reports and such.

8) The Five People You Meet In Heaven -- Mitch Albom
A really sweet story about a man who dies saving a little girl at an amusement park. This book messes with you psyche, so bring tissues. When the man dies, there are five people waiting for him. The story really shows you how much of an impact you have on other peoples' lives, even if you don't think so.

7) House Rules -- Jodi Picoult
Intense mystery about a boy with Asperger syndrome. I usually don't like mysteries because I always seem to figure it out before the characters do. That's what happened with this book, but still an amazing read. I learned a lot about Asperger syndrome and I fell in love with the characters!

6) To Kill A Mockingbird -- Harper Lee
You've probably read it, but it's still a great great great book. I read it for freshmen honors English and I love it. It's about this little girl named Scout growing up in Alabama. For some reason, I love the way these kinds of books are written. They seem so fascinating to me.

5) Secret Life of Bees -- Sue Monk Kidd
A really beautiful story about a girl named Lily. I also read this for freshmen English and I loved it. I couldn't put it down, especially when I got to the end. If you've seen the movie already, damn you. The book is so much better. I saw the last 45 minutes or so of that movie and, as much as I love the actresses in the movie, I couldn't bring myself to like it too much. The book was just... incredible. Truly inspirational and meaningful.

4) A Tree Grows in Brooklyn -- Betty Smith
A beautifully written story about a little girl named Francie growing up in NYC in the early 1900s. The story opens when she is about 11 in the year 1912. I read this when I was about fourteen and to be honest I didn't get much out of it. There's probably some really huge metaphor that I missed, and I'm thinking about reading it again. Either way, the language was gorgeous and inspired me to write some historical fiction.

Now we're at the top 3, so pay attention, because these are the really good ones!

3) The Kite Runner -- Khaled Hosseini
I can't even form words to describe how much I loved this book. I did a book report on it last year for my honors English class and half of my report was just "I love this book so so much. Read it and I'll love you forever." I can't even really tell you what it's about because every piece of information is a giveaway. But I will say this; Read it and I'll love you forever. It's truly amazing and I cried. Not many books do that to me.

2) The Outsiders -- S. E. Hinton
Until recently, this was number one. I know this book backwards and forwards. Ask me anything about it and I will know the answer. The Outsiders is a story about Ponyboy Curtis, a fourteen year old "greaser" growing up without his parents. I fell deeply in love with every character, from Sodapop to Bob to the truck driver that picks up Pony when (SPOILER ALERT) he's bleeding all over the street. Magnificent, truly.

And 1) The Catcher in the Rye -- J. D. Salinger
There are no words. I love Holden so much. I felt like he was my best friend and I wish he was real because I want to talk to him. God, he pissed me off. And made me laugh. And made me cry. I read the whole book on the airplane back from Texas. Yes, I read the entire book in four hours. That's how much I loved it. I couldn't put it down. It is a must read. You must read it.

<3 p="">

Tyler & Grace

I've written a few of these little, title-less, short stories over the last few days. I finally decided to share this one. Enjoy.

Tyler & Grace
I knew he was mad by the way he was avoiding my eyes. He never looked me in the eye when he was upset with me.

He sat across the room staring at his phone. I know he saw me.

The bell rang and he gathered his things and headed out. I quickly followed him. He lead me around the school until we ended up by the booth where we did tech crew jobs.

He walked in with the keys dangling out of his back pocket. I waited a few seconds before, as quietly as I could, opening the door to let myself in.

I'm not sure if he heard me, because he never looked up, but I stepped down the three little stairs just inside the door and walked into my sanctuary.

The booth had the ugliest carpeting in the world. The walls were orange and the floor was muddy brown. The counters all had writing and holes and memories from past techies and friends. There was a sound system, a light board, three monitors, two computers, and at least six stools. There was a tall brown wardrobe full of extra microphones and extension cords, and a smaller wooden shelf complex that held the "community Xbox" and things from the church (which sponsored us).

He was sitting at the light board messing with the pink and blue spotlights on stage left. He looked scruffy, but adorable. He rested his chin in his hand with his elbow propped up on the counter, and his short hair was messy as usual. He wore a black tee shirt and jeans and flip flops; he hated regular shoes and would often go without them.

"You shouldn't be in here," he said, not even bothering to look up.

I set my books on the floor by the shelf and slid my hands in the back pockets of my shorts. "Neither should you," I rebutted.

"It's my aiding period."

"Yeah I know. Still doesn't mean you should be in here."

He raised his eyebrows and nodded, as if to say 'good point.'

We stayed in those positions for a few minutes. I'm sure we had the same exact thing on our minds.

Eventually, he looked me square in the face and glared. "You are a child."

With a huff, I exclaimed "Oh, I'm the child?"

"Yes, Grace, you're being immature and stupid."

"Tyler I'm trying my hardest here."

"The posts? On Facebook? Are you really that desperate?" he said getting up and walking towards me.

"I needed to get your attention," I argued, crossing my arms across my chest.

"A simple phone call would have gotten my attention."

"I couldn't do that."

"Why?" he asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

"I couldn't talk to you until you talked to me first. It's been weeks, Tyler. You're graduating in less than a month. It's killing me." Tears formed in my eyes.

He came over to be and put his face right up to mine, so close that I could feel his breath. "I thought you were going to be more mature than this, Grace."

"Can't you see I'm trying?" I cried.

"No, you know what? I can't. You're acting like a child and it's annoying."

"Why don't you love me, Tyler? Huh? Answer me that!"

"I have a connection with Aubrey. I can't help it."

"You wanted me and you stopped. What happened? What did I do? Just tell me."

"You dated Jonathan."

That was like a slap in the face. "Jonathan? Really? You stopped having feelings for me because I had a boyfriend?"

"You were together for more than half a year. I had to move on."

"I never did."

He stopped short and looked me in the eyes. I broke his gaze and looked at the ground.

"When you told me you liked that girl Rachel...it killed me, Tyler. I have always wanted to be with you. I never stopped. I don't want you to move on. I want you to be happy but only if it's with me."

He suddenly grabbed my face and pulled me into a kiss. When it registered to me what was happening, the adrenaline pumping through my veins went a mile a minute. I'd been waiting for this to happen. Ever since he kissed me the first time all those months ago.

When he finally let go, I was really crying. He pressed his lips to my forehead and pulled me into a tight hug, the kind that make me feel good. I just stood there as he stroked my hair, hugging me back, and I was hoping he'd never let go.

I spoke into his shoulder "I love you Tyler. I really do. I want to be with you forever. My heart hurts."

He just nodded and kissed the top of my head.

"It hurts when you talk about Aubrey. It hurts that you don't love me back. It hurts Tyler. My heart is broken and I have to try really hard not to cry every time I see you. And I hate you for that. I hate how much power you have over the way I feel. You're so manipulative. But I can't get over you," I tried to say without my words shaking. I looked up at him, still in his arms, and said, "I know I never will."

"Grace, we can't."

"Why not?"

"The timing-"

"You keep saying that," I cut him off. "It's not that we have crappy timing. It's that you're scared."

"I am."

"We aren't going to do anything about this, then?"

"Afraid not, love."

I closed my eyes and let go of him. "I'm sorry for complicating things. I hope you and Aubrey are happy together." I knelt down to pick up my books and left him standing there.

And I solemnly went to class.