Everything That's Wrong

Here's a fun little thought experiment. I thought I'd list the things I don't particularly like about myself and then list the things I do like and see if that makes me feel any better.

EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT MYSELF.............
1) I hurt people. I don't mean to, but I do. I have a friend who has very strong feelings for me but I don't feel the same way and I constantly hurt him. I feel like I'm leading him on because we talk all the time and we're best friends and he comes to my locker and we hug and stuff, but I feel like I'm giving him the wrong idea. But I don't stop.

2) I'm horribly insecure. Most girls won't want to be called hot and sexy and be whistled at and stuff, but I love it. I like being thought of in a physical way. Yeah, being called beautiful makes me feel amazing and makes me smile, but if a guy whistled at me when I walked by, I would also smile. I wouldn't jump him and say "TAKE ME TO YOUR PLACE" or anything but it would make me feel pretty nice and give me a boost.

3) Along those same lines, I hate that I'm so insecure. I look at myself in the mirror and I just see nothing. I've been told I'm pretty and beautiful and stuff but I can't bring myself to believe it.

4) I'm a people pleaser. I try to make everyone happy. If one of my friends is gossipping about someone, I won't join in but I won't do anything to stop it. If I know the person they talking about, I'll just pretend I can't hear them instead of stopping it. I feel horrible about it later.

5) Again with that, I am a wallower. I tend to mull things over and worry about them for way longer than they should be though about. I overthink EVERYTHING and it gets me into trouble. I'm one of those people that stare at the ceiling and just freaks herself out by thinking. My train of thought usually goes like this:

     "Why do you think he doesn't like you? Well it's probably because you mucked everything up, ya dumbass. But wait! Someday we might be able to be together. He's going to be sticking around for a while so unless something horrible happens, we could still be together! Unless he gets hit by a bus... then he'll be dead and that would kill me and then the universe will end and when you're dead you're dead and there's no coming back and..."

Then I end up in tears. It's soooo great... Hashtag "heavy sarcasm"

6) Physically, I hate my arms and my thighs and my acne and my hair and my fingernails and my stomach and my eyebrows.

7) I claim to have a good relationship with my parents, yet I can't even bring up the courage to tell them about how I've been feeling lately and how depressed I am and the other things. Every time I try, I find some excuse to avoid it.

That's about everything... Let's move on before I cry.

EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF................
1) I care a whole awful lot about people. I'm incredibly sympathetic and I feel people's emotions as if they were my own. I don't really care who you are, if you're crying and freaking out, I'm going to try my damndest to comfort you and help you.

2) I think I'm a pretty damn good writer. I've brought tears and laughter to people and in my opinon, that's pretty cool. My favorite authors have been able to make me feel things and I've been able to make people feel things. That's pretty damn awesome.

3) I think I'm a decent singer. I don't have too much range but when I really try, I can sound pretty good. I'm no Christina Aguilera but I'm not horrifying. I love singing and performing so much that I don't even care who hears me!

4) Apparently I give really good hugs. Which makes me smile because hugs are freaking glorious and I love getting them as much as I love giving them. I'm a hugger...

5) Physically, I love my eyes and my nose and my upper, ahem, shoulder/chest area (keepin' it classy, folks). Also, I have really soft skin on my hands and my arms and legs. I would have soft skin on my face but it's covered in acne right now... sigh. F you, hormones!

6) I get really good grades if I apply myself. Lately I haven't really been up to doing much of anything, but I am determined to get straight A's this last quarter to get my GPA up for my final transcripts for college!!!

7) I'm super excited about college. Terrified, but excited. I feel very confident that I could get into my first choice school if I do really well this quarter.

8) I feel really really good when I get all dressed up. When I go to dances at school and I'm all dressed up, I feel so amazing about myself that I don't even care that I'm probably the worst dancer in the universe. I just dance. And I feel beautiful.

9) I'm a really fast typer. When I'm just typing a random stream of conciousness, I'm typically typing really fast. I don't know how many I can do a minute but it's a lot. When I'm copying something, I'm faster because I don't really think about it.

Alright now I'm just getting into little things that I'm good at. But this did make me feel good. Now I'm in a decent mood :)

I have the urge to go and write... let's go see what happens :))

<3 p="">