Forcing laughter, faking smiles

I have no motivation to do anything lately.

I don't eat, I don't sleep and when I do sleep, it's on and off with nightmares.

I haven't written in I don't even know how long, I don't even read that much, and I don't do homework.

I have a 6-8 page research essay on Holocaust Denial due on Friday. My paper is 4 pages currently. And I just don't feel like doing it.

I have so much hatred building up inside of me. I hate everything and everyone all the time. I've been, quite frankly, a bitch. But I can't do anything about it.

All I do is listen to music and watch Netflix.

Not to mention my father basically told me I wasn't smart enough to get good academic scholarships for the school of my choice.

Remember how everything was going great for a few months? Yeah that's over. Nothing is going my way.

Apparently I'm one of the only people who signed up for every day German, so they may cancel the class. Which is extremely disappointing because German is the only thing I'm passionate about lately. Aside from, you know, the fact that I have a D.

My English teacher is a F**KING BITCH. I honestly cannot stand her. I want her to go away and never come back.

My creative writing teacher drives me crazy. It's like she purposely doesn't call on me. AND THEN GIVES ME A F**KING 9/10 FOR PARTICIPATION. WHAT?!

My grades are in the toilet. I have three or four Cs and a D. The rest are As but they're in Women in Perspective and creative writing and journalism. Basically my easy classes. And I might actually have a B in journalism.

I, in the nicest way possible, am screwed.

I have really just given up. I have no motivation. I've been in a lousy mood for weeks. I've been crying in the shower (it's the only place I can without being heard). And my period is dragging on forever. It's been 6 days Mother Nature, chop chop.

I've had a massive headache since Saturday night. I need a shower and need to go to sleep.

I want to go to sleep and not wake up for a very very long time.

College Station vs. Baltimore

Pros and Cons of Texas

PROS:
1) It was sooo warm in the middle of February
2) Uncle Gary and my new Aunt Emily live there
3) Quaint little town right by Texas A&M

CONS:
1) Austin is here
2) It's really really hot there in the summer (practically unbearable dry heat)
3) I don't know where anything is

Pros and Cons of Maryland

PROS:
1) I know where everything is
2) My friends and family and school is here
3) It actually stays relatively warm until about November

CONS:
1) It stays cold until the middle of April
2) It's boring

So yeah.

The wedding was beautiful :') I was tearing up when I saw Emily's face light up when she saw Uncle Gary. She had been so calm all day and it was all for that very moment. I'm so happy for them.

But seriously, I hated the flights. They were not fun. We ended up sitting right next to the jet engines for 3/4 of the flights we took.

On the bright side, I could read and I only have a few pages left of Catcher in the Rye! :)

I couldn't sleep though. We got back in last night around 6 pm and I'm still exhausted. Thank goodness today was Presidents Day and we had off school because there's NO WAY I could have gone today. I don't even think I'll be up to going tomorrow but I have to :\

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Fat Tuesday

For those of you who don't know, today was Fat Tuesday. Now, from what I can gather, it's a "holiday" before Lent begins where you eat a whole lot. I'm Jewish, so I really wouldn't know.

But what I do know is that Fat Tuesday means one very important thing; FASTNACHTS!!!!!!!!

Potato based donuts that our local bakery makes for Karnival. We got our deliveries today. Let me just say, every time I get my fastnachts, I eat them way too quickly and then have to wait another year for them to come around again.

I got a half dozen (two glazed, two cinnamon, and two powdered). My friend David got two dozen. All glazed and powdered though. HE DIDN'T GET ANY CINNAMON. So when I was eating a cinnamon fastnacht at dismissal today, I let him have a bite because he was missing out.

Madison got a whole dozen too. I think I got a dozen last year and ended up eating them all myself over the course of the rest of the week. Stupid me ;p I probably got sick.

Other than the fastnachts for Karnival, today was relatively boring. Remember that research thing I mentioned a few weeks ago? I finished everything on time :) Now I just have to write the actual paper... Huzzah.

Thursday is Valentines Day :) And our 4 month <3 p="">
Friday morning approximately at 8 AM, I will be boarding an airplane to go to College Station, Texas (yes, Kurt, that's a real city) to see my Uncle Gary marry his girlfriend, Emily :) I'm going to have an Auntie Em!!! Like in The Wizard of Oz????

Speaking of which, I really want to see that new Oz: The Great and Powerful movie. Really bad...

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4 Months

Friends, readers, aquaintences, whatever the hell you guys are in relation to me, hello :)

As you know, I have a boyfriend :) His name is Austin, and I love him lots.

On Valentines Day, February 14th, we will have been dating for officially 4 months. It doesn't feel like nearly that long. I've decided to do something for him.

I am currently in the middle of writing a short story about us. So here's what I was thinking... I'll give it to him on Thursday... What do you think?

See, I'm really upset because on Friday I am flying to Texas to go see my uncle get married (FINALLY) and I am going to be there the whole weekend.

Also, we were going to see each other ON Valentines Day but I have to stay after to take a math test because I will be missing it on Friday. So I won't really even get to see him at all other than in school.

So I am sad :'(

C'est la Vie. So tell me what you guys think about the short story thing... I don't know if I should put it on here and just send him the link or if I should like print it out and give it to him... Hmm...

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