Forcing laughter, faking smiles

I have no motivation to do anything lately.

I don't eat, I don't sleep and when I do sleep, it's on and off with nightmares.

I haven't written in I don't even know how long, I don't even read that much, and I don't do homework.

I have a 6-8 page research essay on Holocaust Denial due on Friday. My paper is 4 pages currently. And I just don't feel like doing it.

I have so much hatred building up inside of me. I hate everything and everyone all the time. I've been, quite frankly, a bitch. But I can't do anything about it.

All I do is listen to music and watch Netflix.

Not to mention my father basically told me I wasn't smart enough to get good academic scholarships for the school of my choice.

Remember how everything was going great for a few months? Yeah that's over. Nothing is going my way.

Apparently I'm one of the only people who signed up for every day German, so they may cancel the class. Which is extremely disappointing because German is the only thing I'm passionate about lately. Aside from, you know, the fact that I have a D.

My English teacher is a F**KING BITCH. I honestly cannot stand her. I want her to go away and never come back.

My creative writing teacher drives me crazy. It's like she purposely doesn't call on me. AND THEN GIVES ME A F**KING 9/10 FOR PARTICIPATION. WHAT?!

My grades are in the toilet. I have three or four Cs and a D. The rest are As but they're in Women in Perspective and creative writing and journalism. Basically my easy classes. And I might actually have a B in journalism.

I, in the nicest way possible, am screwed.

I have really just given up. I have no motivation. I've been in a lousy mood for weeks. I've been crying in the shower (it's the only place I can without being heard). And my period is dragging on forever. It's been 6 days Mother Nature, chop chop.

I've had a massive headache since Saturday night. I need a shower and need to go to sleep.

I want to go to sleep and not wake up for a very very long time.