Stress.

Disclaimer: This is going to be a lot of "First World Problem" complaining. Please don't make me hate myself even more, I'm really just complaining for the sake of ranting. 

Thank you.

OKAY.

It is slowly dawning on me that I'm about to leave for college. I know I'm not going very far, about forty minutes by car, but I'm still leaving home. I'm leaving the nest. My warm little nest where my parents and save me from everything. 

It's also occurring to me that I am quite possibly the laziest person I've ever met in the universe. I hate working, yet I'm completely broke. 

Let me rephrase this. I hate working on the weekends. Don't get me wrong, the pay is great when I work those 6-7 hour shifts (again, I know that's not as awful as it could be but still). I just hate working. But I need to work. Like NEED to. My car payment is $150 a month. I pay around $40 a month for gas (simply because my tank is only 10 gallons and I don't drive that often). Now apparently to keep my car in a garage in Towson, I'm looking at another $40 a month to park. So, I need to work.

Plus I love to buy things. Spending money is one of my favorite pastimes. Although I pride myself in being extremely frugal, I have very little self control when it comes to pretty sparkly things in a store. 

I keep having miniature panic attacks every few hours when I think about packing up my room too hard. I pretty much cry myself to sleep every night. 

Although that might also be due to the fact that my boyfriend is currently in South Korea, so...

Every time I think about having to go to work, I want to just call in sick. I'm not making excuses for myself, I honestly do have social anxiety. And I love love love the people that I work with. I just don't like working. It's not hard, it just stresses me out and I have no idea why. 

I shouldn't be complaining because my job isn't hard and I don't work very long hours each day. I honestly just don't like working part time jobs like this. I'm tired of it. I want to start my life and get a real full time job at a publishing firm or something like that. 

But I guess I'd find someway to complain about that if it happened, too. So I guess I'm at an impasse.

I've never been more stressed out and I'm not even in school right now. 

I just got my student ID card for Towson. I keep going from being super excited to being literally terrified and on the verge of tears. 

Sigh.

Rant over. Until next time.

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