It Hurts

"It" is an understatement. "It" would be a pronoun here for "every f**king thing in the universe."

I can't explain what the hell is wrong with me, but something is. In the last two months or so, I've hit, what I hope is, rock bottom. I can't imagine feeling much worse than I do right now, so I hope to god this is the bottom.

I'm at a point in my life where everything I do is wrong. I can't have a conversation with someone without flubbing my words and looking like an idiot, my grades are slipping, I don't eat, I am not sleeping, I have HORRIBLE AWFUL TERRIBLE WORST-THING-EVER headaches, and I keep picking fights when I shouldn't.

I will be ending my 3rd quarter with, if I'm lucky, a 3.125 GPA. 1st quarter I had a 3.725. What happened? I have no clue.

I have no motivation. I don't want to do anything. Nothing makes me want to get out of bed in the morning.

It is currently 12:37 AM and I'm not even a little bit tired. I've got a million things running through my brain.

I don't do anything. My typical day is as follows:

5:50 AM - wake up
6:23 AM - actually get out of bed
7:07 AM - get in Q's car to go to school
7:35 AM - the hell hole that is high school begins
2:00 PM - I get to leave the hell hole that is high school
2:30 PM - get home
2:31 PM - mom asks me about my day and I say "I don't want to talk about it"
2:35 PM - turn on music and play temple run
4:00 PM - decide maybe it's a good idea to start my homework
6:30 PM - eat dinner
8:00 PM - take a shower
9:30 PM - "go to bed" but in actuality that means I will be turning off my lights and watching Netflix
11:00 PM - if I'm lucky, fall asleep

On the weekends, I wake up later and go to bed later.

People mark me off as lazy when, really, I just don't want to do anything. Which sounds lazy, but I CAN'T do anything. I don't really know what I'm saying. It's 12:45 AM...

I'm getting really good at fake smiling.