And Life Goes On

Saturday -
Build day for the show :) it went well and I got to spend all day with Tim and Bensen and Carrie and all my friends.
I met someone there. He's friends with Tim. He's really funny and nice and cute and amazing.
Monday -
Austin walked me home. 5:30-10:30 we had rehearsal. He hung out with me backstage. When I was putting props away, him and Andrew were backstage. Andrew flipped the lights off suddenly and my new friend collapsed on the ground and grabbed my legs and made me scream. I was laughing and crying at the same time and he hugged me and apologized.
Tuesday -
Rehearsal. He and I talked some more. He hugged me goodnight
Wednesday -
Austin and I broke up. I told him I wasn't happy anymore and we broke up. I went to rehearsal and tried to pull myself together. He was really helpful and talked to me and was really sweet.
Thursday -
In school rehearsal and literally the best day of my life. After the rehearsal was over, around 12:30, Mrs Price (director) ordered a bunch of pizzas and didn't make us go back to class. We ate pizza and hung out. Then he came over and sat next to me and tried to show me a really funny video. But we couldn't hear it so we went and sat in the back of the auditorium with our heads together and feet up on the seat.
When the videos were over, we rejoined the cast on stage. He lay down and I was standing next to him. Christa and Olivia were teasing us and made jokes about us getting together at the cast party.
Then I lay down next to him and we were just playing temple run and talking. I was wearing flip flops and he took my shoes and started throwing them and playing keep away. It was adorable and funny and fun.
Then he started acting awkward and ignoring me... It made me really upset because I love talking to him and hanging out with him.
When I was putting stuff away backstage, Brock and Kevin kept sneaking up behind me and grabbing me to make me scream. I got really mad but looking back on it, it was so much fun.
Friday -
Last night was opening night and it went MAGNIFICENTLY. But he didn't sit backstage with me... He went into the hallway with everyone else. I was really upset and I really wanted to talk to him about it because he's becoming the person I confide in, but I couldn't find him.
Saturday -
Well tonight is the last performance and the cast party. I'm going to the party with Carrie. He told me he was going but now he says he's not sure.

I feel like a terrible person for crushing on him, but I can't help it. He's adorable and funny and he may be a sophomore, but I don't care at all. He's mature when he needs to be and I really like him. I want to tell him but I don't know how. He's been my confidant about everything with Austin so I can't just say "I like you even though I just broke up with my boyfriend."

You know that feeling you get when you're around the person you like? Your heart pounds and you can't breathe and all you want to do is be around them? That's how I feel around him.

I'm not using his name in case he ever sees this.

I have been crying myself to sleep though because of Austin. I was in love with him and then I stopped. How does that happen? I still love him but a love like I really care about him a lot and I won't ever forget the time we spent together.

But now I like this new guy and I feel bad because we broke up on Wednesday. It's Saturday. I started officially crushing on him on Thursday when we were sitting in the auditorium so close.

I missed feeling like this. So much.

I want to kiss him. So much. Every time I go to him to help him with his tie, I have to get really close to his face and all I want to do is kiss him when I do.

Ugh.

But life goes on and who knows when I'll see him again after the show is over? I have his number and we talk and stuff but I don't know when I'll see him again.

I really want him to go to the cast party...

I haven't had a migraine or even really a headache since Wednesday.

<3