To Infinity and Beyond

Today is my 17th birthday.

It doesn't really feel any different.

Yesterday was Tim's 16th and tomorrow is Charlotte's 17th.

Should I recap?
Yes.

The show on 4/20 went awesome :) when everyone gave their senior speeches, I broke down and had to stop sobbing. Strike (taking down the set) was awesome too. It's usually not any fun but we were all high (hehe) on adrenaline (come ON guys). Kaitlyn and I were running back and forth to Mrs Price's room to put stuff away and lock up because we were backstage crew and in charge of all the props. On one of the trips back, we raced and I won :) I was literally beaming. I was so hyper and exhausted and glowing. I was, for some reason, the happiest I'd been in a really long time. I took off my shoes and Kaitlyn and I just kept sprinting to blow off steam.

The cast party was a lot of fun :) It was at Aaron's house. The attendance was:
Aaron
Christa
Myself
Carrie
Parker
Brock
Ryan
Tim
Olivia
Dana
Carrie and I left around 1:45 AM. Tim, Dana, Parker, and Brock all left between 11 and midnight.

We played "truth or truth" because none of us would do dares ;)

Carrie and Ryan took my phone and were messing with it. I later found out that they changed a bunch of shortcuts to say dirty things (i.e. "hi" changed to "kiss me like one of your French girls").

All in all, the whole show was magnificent and I miss it so much still a week later! I love each person in the cast and crew and I'm so sad that my friends are graduating <3

Although them leaving gives me a better chance of snatching a lead next year ;)

I don't remember last week too much because I was so depressed. I always go into a horrible state of upset after a show ends. It's still happening :'(

On Thursday I was supposed to tech a football meeting with Andrew, but it started late and Andrew had to leave. But while we were waiting, we walked around the school with the tech keys and kept trying to unlock stuff. Eventually we ended up in the auditorium. When we were on stage, I stood center stage and outstretched my arms and yelled "this is where I belong!" and Andrew laughed. Then I took the microphone and started singing my audition piece and Andrew said I have a really pretty voice, which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Then we sat in the house (for those of you not theater savvy, that means the audience) on the chairs from the set and literally just complained about this girl we mutually dislike. It was really nice.

I ended up teching the entire meeting alone. I've never done that before but it was just a PowerPoint and turning some stuff on. Still, the tech booth can get scary, especially when there's a ghost up there. So, after Andrew's confirmation rehearsal (that's why he had to leave), he came back and hung out with me for the last fifteen minutes of the meeting. Then all of the football moms scattered to look at uniforms and talk to the coaches, and Andrew and I sat up in the booth and I basically poured my heart out to him. I told him about this guy that's creating problems for me (the kind that make me want him more), I told him about all my thyroid stuff, I told him about my OCD-ness, I told him about my insecurities, I told him everything. Now we've been texting somewhat regularly and he checks on me to make sure I'm not crying myself to sleep and stuff. He's so sweet and a really amazing friend. :)

So the guy that's creating problems...it's not the other guy. He and I are not happening, and it's okay. Apparently he knew I liked him and was just being a gentleman about it, but he doesn't like me. I don't think I really liked him either. I think my mindset was that he could be a rebound from Austin, but I don't think it was any more than a crush.

Especially compared to this guy. I'm sure I've told you about him before but no names.

I confessed my feelings to him before Austin and I dated. I have always had feelings for Him. When Austin and I got together, those feelings kind of got buried. But now that Austin and I are broken up, the flame has been rekindled and is a full on bonfire. I told him how I felt and how I've always cared for him, and I thought he liked me too, but now there's another girl in the picture and he said he feels like he has a connection with her and not with me.

My heart is kind of broken.

I'm trying to move on.

It's hard.

It hurts how much I want this guy. I've wanted to be with him for as long as I've known him. He keeps saying the timing's wrong. Now he's graduating in less than a month and I'm never going to see him.

I missed my chance and I'm going to lose him forever.

I haven't talked to him in days.

Anyway, today is my 17th birthday and, like always, we had cinnamon rolls for breakfast! Then I went to school (Enviro, Journalism, German, Trig) and Travis gave me a giant Kit Kat, Charlotte made me cupcakes and gave me iTunes, Madison got me a MilkyWay Bar, and Carrie got me this really pretty bracelet that says "Sisters" on the band.

When I got home, I made a few phone calls to my relatives. Then we had my favorite dinner (pulled brisket sandwiches) and cake (white cake with chocolate frosting).

Then presents :) I got two books. "The Catcher in the Rye" (MY FAVORITE BOOK OF ALL TIME) and "The Great Gatsby" (I'M SO EXCITED TO READ IT) and they're hard backed copies and really nice. I'm so happy. That's what I'm most excited about :) I also got mascara, EOS lip balm, a glass coke bottle, "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" (very funny movie!), season 1 of "2 Broke Girls," and the Cracker Barrel peg game because I'm a freaking BOSS at it.

It was a pretty good day. I felt really pretty when I was getting ready and I saw all of my friends at one point or another and I got many many "Happy Birthdays" today :)

Sorry this was so long. I'll try to keep up with this more regularly so the posts aren't so long.

I love you.

<3