Terrified and Boy Crazy

Let's start with why I'm terrified. Well, angel faces, today I sent in my first college application and this weekend I applied for multiple jobs around town. I'm slowly growing up and I'm scared! I don't want to! I want to stay a kid for a little while longer...

I don't want to drive and go to a job and go to college and potentially begin a career and start paying for stuff!!

I'm so excited for college, don't get me wrong. But I'm so scared. I don't really leave home very much. I don't even remember the last time I had a sleepover. The longest I've stayed away from home and my family was at Harford Glen when I was 10 for about four nights with my class. And I cried the first two nights.

Actually, scratch that. The longest I've been away was on the cruise before freshmen year with my grandma. But I don't really count that as much because I was with Grandma and, lets face it, I was on a freaking hotel in the middle of the ocean. I didn't want to even THINK about home!

Basically, I know I'm going to be homesick. Even though my dream school is about ten minutes from my parent's best friends (pretty much my second family), it's still going to feel like halfway across the world. Being away from my horribly annoying family scares me. They may drive me absolutely crazy, but it's going to be hard to be away from them.

Alright I know what you're thinking. You really don't care about how scared I am to grow up. You're wondering what I meant by "Boy Crazy."

Calm your nuts, I'll tell you.

I was looking back at some of my old posts from over the years and I realized that many of them pertained to the men in my life. Which I found peculiar because I like to think of myself as pretty independent. Obviously not.

I'm not even good at writing about the guys I could potentially be interested in because I'm so freaking vague about it. I had to rack my brain to remember who I was talking about.

Which kind of worried me.

I shouldn't become so attached to people (namely, guys) so quickly and easily. I trust people way too easily and end up getting hurt. So why do I continue to fall in the trap?

All day something has been bugging me and I'm acting like such a girl. I'm like fluttering around thinking too much about this one thing that isn't even a huge deal! (I realize I'm being a humongous hypocrite right now, but bear with me)

My point is that I fall too hard too fast.

I really need to stop.

Ugh.

I promise I won't talk about boys anymore unless I use names. I'm sure my vagueness was... well actually I don't know if you even cared. If you did, I'm sorry! If you didn't, well, thanks for reading.

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