I'm Scared.

I'm scared because I know what it's like to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and not be able to do anything about it. I know what it's like to take one look at someone and know how much they mean to you and how little you mean to them.

I'm scared because one day I'm going to have to leave this place and go off and live my own life. I'm scared because I know that I am indignant and ignorant and a little fish in a really big bowl and that I have to deal with that.

I'm scared because I'm upset. I'm scared that one day it'll all be too much and I'll just give up and give in. I'm scared because the pain is beating down hard like rain and I can't jump in the puddles and make it splash away.

I'm scared that one day I'll have a child and I'll have no idea what to do. That she'll come to me with questions about things I can't answer. She'll come to me when a bully pulls on her pigtails and I'll know not what to do but to dry her tears and tell her it'll be alright. I'm scared that it won't be enough.

I'm scared to speak up for myself. I'm scared that if I tell everyone what's really on my mind, they'll look at me as if I'm the nut job that lives down the street that shouts at invisible cars and baseballs. I'm afraid they'll judge me and tell me that I'm stupid or my ideas are incoherent.

I'm scared I'm not good at helping people, when that's all I want to do. I want to open people's minds and show them a new way of thinking. I'm scared of close minded people stopping me.

I'm scared because I'm discouraged. I'm scared to confront people and show them what I've been working on. I'm scared because it's so easy to get frustrated and put things off.

I'm scared I'm a procrastinator. I'm afraid that eventually, when I'm all grown up in my house with the wraparound porch, I'll get lazy and forget to pay the water bill and the electricity and the mortgage and everything will fall apart.

I'm scared but I'm ready. I'm creative and I love what I do and it's all I want to do and I know that all of my roadblocks and speed bumps are just that: Blocks and bumps. Things that may take a while to get out of, but not impossible.